Tuesday, August 3, 2010

The Balsamic Incident

As a general rule, I hate sandwiches. I do make exceptions. Lately my favorite has been apple slices with cheddar, mixed greens and balsamic vinegar on a fluffy French roll. Last week, I had the sandwich in pieces and decided I should drizzle the balsamic on the bread first so the flavor was evenly dispersed. As I grabbed the bottle of vinegar off our kitchen shelf, I hit our second bottle of balsamic, knocking it to the floor. When i stepped back to survey the damage, my foot landed on the broken bottle, causing me to drop the vinegar I was holding.

I ran my bloody foot under the bathroom sink before the vinegar could hit my open wound. I fashioned a band aid out of paper towels and electrical tape, finished making my sandwich and waited until my foot stopped bleeding to clean up the mess.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Hey Kids, it's Nipple Slip Barbie!

"Barbie Basics" is a new line of Barbies who are supposedly wearing simple, everyday clothes. Somehow, I don't think this neckline qualifies.

If a real woman with boobs above an A cup wore this dress, her nipple would jump out with the slightest wrong move. I know Barbie is a plastic doll with completely unrealistic proportions; her cup size is one that most real women achieve through surgery. I'm no Puritan, and I think the Disney Princess franchise is far more detrimental to young girls than Barbie's wardrobe. But, here's the thing about big boobs, doll or human: you don't have to do much to emphasize them. It's as simple as avoiding turtle necks and baggy clothes, finding V neck T shirts and wearing a bra that fits well. Barbie's boobs would've looked just as supple in a white dress with a neckline that only showed a bit of cleavage. This dress is something you'd wear to a night club with bottle service, not to take your dog to smell other dogs at a park. (Unless you're the kind of terrible person who would buy a dog just to pick up dudes).

And speaking of nipple slips, a Chinese company put this bra on the market.
Why yes, those are slots so your nipples can be out on display. (Presuming your nipples are perfectly in the middle of your boobs). Maybe it's just me, but I like to choose who sees my nipples. And once again, the people who want to look at boobs will do it even if they can't see your nipples.

And then there's the clevaage caddy...

I can't lie. I think this thing is awesome.